Not today

It’s been 655 days since I last had a drink, not that I’m keeping track, and today I want a drink or maybe more. It is the end of the work week and it’s the start of the long weekend. The weather is great. I have my favorite old country music on and the back deck is calling. And yes, I want a drink or maybe more, and I might have a drink or maybe more. But not today.

If good things come to those that wait, an argument could be made that procrastination is a virtue. If that is true, that would be a virtue I was never in possession of – actually, I am not aware of any virtues I am in possession of. I have long thought that sooner is always better than later. I can remember trying to be at the front when we had to line up for vaccinations back in elementary school. I knew I would have to get the needle and it would be just as painful, regardless of whether I was the first or the last in line. The longer a person stood in line, the longer a person had to dread the inevitable. If something was going to happen, why put it off? Don’t wait, do it today. It’s been 655 days since I last had a drink, not that I’m keeping track, and today I want a drink or maybe more. “Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” Those are good words to live by, and I usually do. But not today.

It’s been 655 days since I last had a drink, not that I’m keeping track, and today I want to have a debate with myself. The problem with having a debate with yourself is that your side always wins and your side always loses. “Be it resolved that if you can successfully limit your alcohol intake to zero, you can successfully limit your alcohol intake to a drink (or maybe more) today”. It’s been a while since I’ve had this debate and even though I lost (and won) the last debate, I’m thinking that this time I can win and not lose. I know both sides of the question and can argue, convincingly, both for and against the question, and today I know which side I want to win. So, I’ll entertain the question and enter the debate. But not today.

It’s been 655 days since I last had a drink, not that I’m keeping track, and today I am considering some advice I was given. A month or so after I stopped drinking, someone told me that I was going to fail. You’re too confident, Rick. Nobody ever succeeds the first time. Everybody falls down. Since it’s going to happen, it’s best to get it over with. The longer you go before you fail, the worse you’ll feel. My advice is that you stop at the liquor store on the way home and buy a bottle. (Someone actually said that to me!) I didn’t listen to him then, but his words have stayed with me. He should know what he was talking about. After all, he had been trying to quit for years. In a way, his advice made sense. So, I might just take that advice. But not today.

It’s been 655 days since I last had a drink, and maybe I am keeping track. And today I want a drink or maybe more. It is still the end of the work week and it’s still the start of the long weekend, the weather is still great, I still have my favorite old country music on and the back deck is still calling. And yes, I still want a drink or maybe more, and I might still have a drink or maybe more. But still, not today.