‘Yes’ is easy to say. People would rather say yes than no. ‘Yes’ is positive. ‘Yes’ has nothing negative attached to it.
RICK DUERKSON
Disclaimer: When I go to a fast-food outlet for a cup of coffee, my first choice is McDonald’s. I like the coffee, the cafe I go to is located quite conveniently, I have developed a bit of a rapport with some of the drive-thru staff, and I get a senior’s discount. It just suits me. Some people swear by Tim’s and some brew their own coffee. It comes down to what a person is comfortable with.
During my first one-on-one conversation with my counsellor at AFM, Deb, asked me how it made me feel, what I thought of knowing that I could never have another drink, ever. Because, she said, with my history and past experiences, one drink would probably be enough to send me down a road from which there was no return.
I said I love challenges, but that that particular one was too frightening to contemplate. Well, she asked, how about not having a drink for one day? Could I contemplate that? Yes, that I could, but I didn’t want to have to take that approach. I had heard it many times, too many times. Just take it one day at a time. The rest of my life? That was too long, but only one day at a time? That was too short. How could I make plans if I had to live one day at a time? Having to say ‘no’ to a drink for the rest of my life was a terrifying thought but I wanted to live more than just day to day. I needed a plan, a way to accomplish what I was after without it being a burden.
I was quite familiar with the 12-step program that is the basis of AA and several other addiction support groups. But I had some problems with that. Eight of the twelve steps made reference to God or to a higher power, and not one step said anything that was directly aimed at stopping drinking.
The four steps that didn’t mention a higher power had nothing to do with addiction or being sober, but were really just good advice on how a person should conduct themselves. I found some of the 12 step meetings depressing. Having to introduce myself as an alcoholic, as a helpless, powerless person? I didn’t seem to meet anyone who was positive, who seemed happy. It seemed to me that surviving another day was all that they could hope for.
At one point I asked why there was such a lack of ambition, why everyone seemed so negative. When I was asked, ‘How long have you been sober?’ I said that I had chosen not to drink for about four months. I was told that I had no business being so confident with only four months of ‘sobriety’, and it was suggested to me that I stop off at a liquor store on my way home. “You’re going to fail, Rick, so you might as well get it over with.”
Well, I wasn’t going to do that, and I knew I would have to look elsewhere for guidance, for something I could put to use that would help me achieve my goal. My goal was simple. I was going to stop drinking. Well, actually, I was going to be a person who didn’t drink. Full stop. Period.
Saying ‘no’ is difficult. And 12 steps seemed like almost a dozen too many. So, I figured out my own one-step program. Just say yes. ‘Yes’ is easy to say. People would rather say yes than no. ‘Yes’ is positive. ‘Yes’ has nothing negative attached to it. Saying ‘Yes’ puts a smile on a person’s face. So, I just had to figure out how to turn things around, so that the answer would be ‘yes’.
Shakespeare wrote "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet". It seemed to me that it didn’t matter how I arrived at my destination, just that I got there. So, I would take the first step toward my goal and say ‘yes’.
“Rick, do you like your life now and are you willing to do whatever it takes to keep it?”
Yes. Just one step. Just say yes. Simplistic? Perhaps, but it has worked for me for the past 18 months. I get up in the morning, determined, and I go to sleep at night content.
Am I happy?
Yes.
So I’ll keep saying ‘yes’, one day at a time.
